And Other Things I Have to Say.
It's Tuesday, (I wrote this on Tuesday). This is the second time today I've turned to writing as a means of coping with an eruption of emotions. Given my other options were playing my 100th game of candy crush, looking at pregnant women bounce back on Instagram or polishing off my fourth dark chocolate peanut butter cup, this seemed like the appropriate option.
At the start of next week I will be launching my Podcast. Something that is no easy feat but somehow or another has come together and is something I am very proud of. I am trying to streamline the work flow for recording, editing and prepping assets for the podcast so I can spend the majority of my efforts on my next project for income.
Income. What a loaded word. To some it means that next vacation or designer threads, to others it is the bane of our existence because for some reason or another we are blocked to it's magical powers. Nervous of it's next arrival and fearful what we will do with it once it arrives.
I shudder at even writing this because who knows what my feelings will be on money next week or the week after that. But for today, on this idle Tuesday, I ponder it's powers. You see I am a freelancer, which means sometimes I am paid and working and sometimes I am not. I really didn't think this line of work through considering my neurosis' around budgeting. But I value the freedom to pursue whatever endeavors aligned with me and the freedom to have down periods to grow, learn etc. etc. All of that is good and well when you are in a flow in the industry. But right now I haven't had what they call "My Break". Meaning I haven't had some great success that sky rockets my opportunities to the next level.
And because of that, my great talents exist within the messiness of my notebooks, my laptop and for the few loyal regulars who frequent my website. Thank you guys for that <3
So today as I attempt to stomach this chocolate bone broth protein, that taste literally like chicken soup mixed with chocolate, I once again prepare pieces of work to be looked at, judged and brutalized by industry higher ups in hopes of selling it, or to be hired for a show I care actually care about. I'm really working on saying "No" to the wrong projects. I've spent far too much time on projects I don't care an ounce about just for money and my boundaries are finally getting strong.
The trouble is my mind is bouncing. Between needing to finish an edit for the podcast, updating socials, engage with people online, prepping my next weekly sheet for a growth advising client, finishing the laundry, trying not to get distracted by the cute dogs outside, and getting six pack abs all by this evening. Spoiler the abs didn't make it.
I can see you are starting to think this is a rant and well it is. Aren't all blogs rants? Isn't that what this whole thing is all about? I rant, you enjoy it because you have felt similarly or better yet you deplore the rant and want to rant back against me with your strong willed opinions through an online acronym like Billybob4679. I digress.
This is one of the ways I clear my head. By letting it all the Eff out. It has been instrumental during stressful periods. People say to journal out your feelings, and sometimes this is all they mean. Just a few words on "paper", typing and expressing yourself through a thought pattern. It is so simple, yet effective, I encourage you to try it sometime. See look, just a few minutes of ranting and life seems more manageable already. I even think I see an ab coming in!
Lots of love,
J
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